Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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