I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
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Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
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Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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