i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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