Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
