I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Everclear isn't food dammit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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