Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
