Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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