i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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