I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
