if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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