Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
