there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize