I'm jealous of your bromance
i think i have two assholes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
