no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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