I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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