So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
