Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
