I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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