Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
