i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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