Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
