after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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