Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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