what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
