Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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