I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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