The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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