Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
