; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
