Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
