sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
