You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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