; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize