He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
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Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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