this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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