seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
