Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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