And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
