if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
