Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
