Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This girl is more easily done than said...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
