I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
