I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
