How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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