Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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