I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize