it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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