it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
