I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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