i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize