I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
