Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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