if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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