if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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