Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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