I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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