The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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