my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
