I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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