Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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