I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
