I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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