I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
