I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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