I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
