i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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