based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
