It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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